The Beginners Guide to Crafting a Home into a Haven

ByLibby

What does it look like to have a home that is life-giving? What does it sound like? What does it feel like? The answer is different for everyone, but I bet there are many similarities as well. No matter how you would answer the previous questions, I think we can agree that our homes are important to the ones who live and visit there. Having a safe haven to rest, refresh and rejoice in can be life-giving to anyone who walks through your door. Making your home a haven is easier than you thing and costs next to nothing to accomplish.

I have been on a journey for the past 20 years of learning the importance of home and the impact it has not only on me, but also on my family. We have had to weather some pretty big storms throughout the years and our home became our safe haven in the middle of the winds and rains that life was bringing us. Most of what I have learned and found to work was through trial and error or talking with friends. My hope is that I can cut down YOUR leaning curve and help you begin to create a haven within your home today!

What is a Haven?

Webster defines it as “a shelter; and asylum; a place of safety”.

Wouldn’t it be such a blessing for your home to fit that description? A place that shelters the ones you love from the crazy world. Somewhere to get rest and peace. A home that feels safe, secure, joyful, easy and relaxed.

Notice I never said spotless, pristine, HGTV ready or perfect. Those things are not the goals. The goal is a feeling of ease, peace and contentment. It will look different for everyone, but the steps to getting there are the same.

How and Where do You Start?

Assess the situation

Take some time ALONE first to think through and write down how you feel about your current home environment. Does it currently feel chaotic, messy, stressful, rushed, frazzled, busy, disorganized, tense, lonely, technology-heavy, distant or hopeless? Write it down and elaborate on it if you can. Are there specific things that are causing this? Do your best to identify some potential reasons why your home feels that way.

Now the fun part…think about and write down what you WANT your home to feel like. Do you want calm, tidy, peaceful, slow and easy, organized, joyful, inviting, cozy, purposeful, healthy, clean, minimal or warm? Elaborate on what you want and what that might look like.

Finally, invite your family to do the same. You may be surprised at their answers or feelings about the current situation or their desired home. Talk together, dream together, plan together and then work together towards your goals.

Write out your vision and goals for your home and family

If it is not written down, it is easily forgotten. Write them down somewhere where you and your family will see them on a regular basis (refrigerator, bathroom mirror, phone lock screen, bathroom door…wherever you will look at it a few times a day!).

Define what is important

Just because it is important to your friends or neighbors, does not mean it has to be important to you and your family! What activities or habits or changes are going to get you closer to your goals that you wrote down earlier? If one of your biggest goals is a more organized home, then it might be worth skipping a night of dinner out followed by a movie, and instead, spend time working together as a family to tackle one of the hot spots in your home that needs an organizational overhaul.

Begin with the end in mind

I tend to get overwhelmed when I look at the LONG list of things that I want or need to do, and then end up doing NONE of them because I got paralyzed by my overwhelm. REDICULOUS! I have found that when I know what I am working towards, having my END in mind, really helps me prioritize my time and I am much more able to click through my to do list to get myself one more step closer to my goal.

Example: One of my goals for our home is to have strong relationships with our kids. That is a big and wide goal. I could easily get overwhelmed trying to figure out the million things I want to do to help build those relationships. Instead, I frame it with the future in mind: what do i want my boys remember when they are grown about our home and the relationships we built there. Things become more clear when I think that way and I know that I want to make sure we are making more time for family board games, dinner conversations and celebrations.

Rank the items on your list by level of importance

You will not be able to change and do every items on your list in the first week…so just go on and let that plan go! But ranking your items you will know what you need to work on most.

Make a Plan

I like to make YEARLY plans and goals, QUARTERLY plans and goals, MONTHLY, WEEKLY and DAILY plans and goals. Do they all always get done? Nope! But I always know what I need to be working on or planning for and that gives me peace and direction.

I also like to do “check-ins” yearly, quarterly, monthly, weekly and daily as well. It is a great conversation to have with my family as well as getting us back on track if we have wandered or stalled.

Break those plans and goals down

Big goals make me excited, but they can also overwhelm me. I want to run as fast as I can towards the goal, but then I get burned out and overwhelmed by it all. Breaking it down into tiny steps is so helpful for me. It lets me know exactly what I need to do that day or week and helps me put things into action.

Example: I want to have home cooked, sit down all together family meals 4 times during the week. But I have to break it down more than that. I have to know the weekly schedule for our family, the meal plan for the week and make sure I have the supplies for the meals. Those are small and easy steps that I can take to make sure that our family meals together actually happen.

Pick ONE item or goal and JUST START!

It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect, but if you don’t start, you will never move towards your goals. Pick the most important one. Or pick the easiest one. It doesn’t matter where you start…JUST START!

This might help…

Get my FREEBIE 7 Secrets to Turn Chaos into Calm in Your Home. It has some great ideas on how to get started and it may spark some ideas for you.

Tips for Transforming your Home into a Haven

  • Don’t lose focus – remind yourself of your goals and why this is important to you and your family. Put reminders in places where you will see them (bathroom mirror, near the kitchen sink, by the tv). If you lose focus, get back on track!
  • Celebrate your wins– this doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, but a special dessert or a fun family movie night or time at the park can be super fun.
  • Just keep swimming-some days are going to be hard and you will have set back, but don’t quit! Just keep going, even if it feels like you are treading water…just keep swimming.
  • Learn from your mistakes– they are going to happen, no matter how hard we try. The best thing we can do is learn from them and move forward. If something doesn’t work, that is fine. Learn from it, adjust and try again!
  • Try new things-I think this is the fun part! Be a little adventurous and try the thing. It may be a fail…but it may also be AWESOME!
  • Make it a priority– there are 1,000 things pulling on you every day and it is hard to figure out what is MOST important. I would say that your family and home should be VERY high on that list. Make sure that you are prioritizing the right things.
  • Embrace your life season– every “season” of your life looks different and has different needs. If you are in the toddler season, your house is going to be full of toys and snacks and giggles. That may not be the time to focus on taking more family vacations, but instead focusing on reading together and building solid routines and rhythms. A family with teenagers may want to focus on less screens and more family fun, like games or travel. Whatever season you are in is exactly where you are supposed to be. Find ways to thrive in that season.
  • Have family meetings– these are priceless when it comes to making sure everyone is on the same page and understands what the family goals are. If you have “buy-in” from everyone in the family, you are much more likely to succeed. Also, you will have some built in accountability.

Frequently Asked Questions

Absolutely! Turning your home in to a haven is something anyone can do. You will just want to maximize the time you have at home and be super intentional about your time. The hours you are home with your family can be the most meaningful hours of the day! Start small, enlist the family to help you, and make the small moments count! You can totally do this!

So many things you can do won’t cost a dime. Crafting a home that is a haven is not about redecorating or a complete physical overhaul in your house. It is about a feeling, relationships, a mood and environment. Could you spend a ton of money on that? Sure…but you don’t NEED to! Start by making your list of what is important to you and then brainstorm cheap and free ways to accomplish that. Making Friday night dinner special doesn’t need to be expensive…do a make your own pizza night with an old classic movie. Creating a peaceful living room doesn’t require new furniture…get rid of clutter, rearrange the space, play some music, light some candles or a diffuser and suddenly the room has a new vibe!

I feel you! Overwhelm is my “go-to” reaction to so many things. Here is my tip…take a deep breath and remind yourself that this does not all have to happen right this minute, it is a process (one that will be on-going for YEARS as seasons of life change). One thing I like to do is to keep a small notebook with me to write down ideas as I get them (instead of trying to remember them). Then I have all my thoughts in one place and can look through them when I am planning our days and weeks. Also, just doing tiny things each day and creating habits is HUGE for helping me feel less overwhelmed. Release the pressure of doing this perfectly and give yourself grace.

One last thing…

The biggest impact we have on our family happens in the day to day in our homes. Personally, I want my home to be a place of refuge for my family and friends from this crazy world. By making some intentional decisions and changes the environment within our homes can change from chaotic, stressful and tense into peaceful, joyful and safe. The effort it worth it. The changes in relationships is worth it. The feeling of your home is worth it. Home is where the big stuff happens, even when the day to day stuff seems so small. We can make HUGE impacts on the people within our home, and those impacts can begin a ripple effect for changing the world.

What are you going to start with? Comment below and tell me one thing you are going to start doing to move your home in the direction that you want.

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